Speaking about generational traumas

I've decided to start speaking publicly, about what I've learned about my grandmother's journey; how she became a refugee in Sweden through the White buses after being in two Nazi-camps, and most of all how this still has an effect on me and my life. So, where better to debut in English, than at a MeetUp-event for storytelling!

After I shared my and her story here in Stockholm, Sweden, a Jewish woman came up to me and shared hers. As always, it became moving for both of us. I also shared how I think the Swedish government has done several wrongs, that I think should be corrected, and publicly apologized to the world, whereupon another woman responded with something I hadn't considered. It's in the nature of dealing with evil, that they won't, not understanding that they are. I want to believe in improvement and forgiveness, in understanding and compassion, and to keep having hope that there is inherent goodness in all. But maybe there isn't.

I gave two examples of generational traumas that I've inherited, whether by learnt behavior, or through my genes. I'm thinking that perhaps some traumas are so horrific, our brains become damaged and altered, and then passed down. If nothing else, my worldview always incorporates the Holocaust. It's always with me.

One: I was always afraid of looking pale when I grew up, and to become sick. I often asked my parents this question, whether or not I looked pale. Later, I've realized, that it might be because of my grandmother's knowing how those who did look pale in the prison-camps, became gassed to death, and those who didn't, could continue working. And how a piece of small red fabric, was used to rub one's cheeks with to not look pale.

Two: I've been afraid of taking showers with water standing directly underneath one, until I became an adult. Perhaps, because my grandmother never dared to take showers after WWII, not knowing if there would be gas coming out again, also in Sweden.

We keep history alive by talking about it. Talking about it, to learn how others' decisions and actions create horrible consequences, that never should happen again. Will they?