Tears of relief

Last night, I was googling help for stalking victims and found both scholarly reports and a Danish help organization. Just knowing that I'm not alone, and reading and listening to how others have been stalked similarly to how I am, made it finally possible for me to acknowledge some of the harm and hurt, he has caused me:

How I jump or freeze with fear, every time I hear a knock on someone's door in my apartment building or when the elevator makes its sound, when it enters my floor, until I hear the voices of my neighbor's children, and I can breathe again.

How many times, I haven't been able to sleep until morning.

How many times, I feel disgusted by knowing he has touched anything that is mine, besides taking things dear to me.

How many times, I've seen harassing graffiti.

How many times, I've moved, or even travelled to other countries, only to see him come after me there too.

How many times, I can't write the way I used to, knowing he will misread it and think of it as some kind of message or game to him.

How many times, the weird silencing and not receiving replies from others, or police reports disappearing and computer intrusions happening.

Not to mention the debilitating feeling, understanding how he must have either tricked and fooled authorities to get a spare key (since my social workers have one), or used a pick of some sort (that I now hope he can't with a new lock) to my home.

How many years, I've become nauseated, when I'm treated with ignorance, disbelief and belittling by Swedish police and courts, directly threatening my life, just as much as he is, besides their fake accusations. These last ten years, I had been able to work with a full time salary and not to mention have my regular social life and love life, if they had done their job.

So last night, I cried for a while, with tears of relief, although temporary until he's taken care of, finally feeling mirrored.

When will mankind learn, that only those with the same experiences, can truly understand one another? When will authorities learn to lead with their hearts and respect for the victims?